


Next Time

by silverdoll14



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Drama, Friendship, M/M, Open to Interpretation, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:45:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverdoll14/pseuds/silverdoll14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For now, just let me stay by your side a little longer because I’m selfish like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Next Time

**Author's Note:**

> X-posted at silverdoll14.livejournal.com  
> Inspired by real life events. Yes, I’m emotional like that.

It was complicated, this thing called  _love_  and how you expressed it. It could be easily said, to your parents, your friends, and even some people you didn't even know. Hell, you even would say it to those bands that you admired in their concerts or every damn given chance you had.  
  
But then, why couldn't you say it to that one man that really mattered the most.  _(Okay, saying it to your family mattered too but surely, you get the picture.)_  
  
It was complicated like that because you were a complicated fellow like that.  
  
You had known him a little over half of your life, a friendship that started with simple glances, late afternoons plays before going home and maybe an hour or so in the phone at least once a week even if there were long pauses each call had.  _(He was usually the one who was calling so you careless about the telephone bills for now.)_  
  
But as the two of you grew up, simple glances turned to catch-up little talks because you didn't see each other that often, late afternoon plays before going home turned hurried goodbyes because the two of you had different extra co-curricular activities and an hour or so in the phone at least once a week turned a rare chance happening.  _(At least you didn't have to worry too much about the phone bills anymore right?)_  
  
You two were growing up and it felt that you two were growing apart too. It didn't help that the two of you attended different universities, took different courses. As you found your true self more, the more you found yourself being afraid because you two had nothing in common and you were afraid to lose him now when you knew he was a big part of your life.  
  
You kept in touch of course but it was once in a blue moon occurrence and you made sure that you treasured those moments but it felt you were trying too hard, trying so hard to maintain that connection in every way possible.  _No, I'm not in love him that way._ You said to yourself, because you always wanted him to be a constant presence in your life.  
  
But the more you deny it, the more it hurt especially when he admitted that he was liking someone and he planned on making that unknown girl his that time the two of you met after months of no connection. You felt delighted at first knowing you were one of those he trusted to know his intentions but despite the encouraging smile you gave him, you felt a pang in your heart.  
  
It took you several nights of crying in your sleep before you admitted,  _Yes, I love him._   _(And it didn't help you were reading stories about unrequited love and from friends to lovers kind of novels.)_  
  
Most of your friends that knew about it told you to say it already, let him know especially when you learned that he didn't actually pursue that still unknown girl ( _and he wouldn't still tell you who she was, not even her name)_ but then you were always afraid of what you had with would be lost to awkwardness and maybe even regrets.  
  
"Write him a letter." That one friend you and he shared told you. If  _that friend_  knew to whom you wanted to send the letter to if ever, he didn't tell. That was just what all he said and it was enough.  
  
You did try your luck with that but then; it never got passed on because you never really finished it, not even the first sentence. That was something for someone who had way with words; you were actually wordless of what to say to him. A lot of words were itching to get out through your penmanship but at the same time, just three words would actually suffice.  
  
And so somehow, you just learned to accept it. Because for you, to be by his side,  _no matter how physically seldom it was_ , it was enough. You did have what you want because he was really a constant presence in your life. He did stay in your heart and he just didn't know how much it meant to you and you didn't plan on telling him  _yet_  because you were selfish like that.  
  
As years went, changes would always be inevitable. It was part of your life, of everyone's life. You had your share of romances _(if that's what you call romances that is)._ People would come and go and you actually careless because you accepted it, it was part of your life as you would repeatedly put it. He was part of it. That was you thought until you met him again and you found he was already a changed man, standing proud yet still a gentle charisma. As you looked at him, you realized one thing never changed and that was _you still felt the same._  
  
The two of you talked together with your other friends you met up with, about university stuffs and now about work too, about how was everyone you knew back then, of trivial things and also some stuff you really didn’t knew about. You listened, paid attention from time to time because really, you couldn’t give all your attention when most of it was on him. _(Secretly, of course, you didn’t want to scare him or something did you?)_  
  
In your inner battle that no one probably knew, you finally decided.  _I have to stop this._  Because you thought you were going crazy and you couldn’t go forward unless you let it go. But you knew he had to know too. He had the right too but in saying it out in the open, you thought of how it would be awkward, of how everything would drastically change between the two of you from that point. _Were you ready for that?_  
  
And then your sister’s words, one time when the two of you sort of had a talk about this, came in your mind,  _“Tell him when you are ready to let him go, when you’re ready to walk away from him because there’s no point in staying when there would only be regrets and pity. It was always either you lose both or gain both.”_  
  
 _Maybe…_

 

 

 

It was late in the afternoon when the two of you were walking together. Side by side you took steps till it was already time to part ways.  
  
You were silent, looking at him timidly. He had a smile, so gentle and so handsome but you felt yourself crumbling down. Words were on the tip of your tongue but you couldn't even speak out another word.  
  
"Going straight home?" He asked and you felt thankful that you weren't the one who needed to break the silence between the two of you. Still, you didn't trust your voice and so you just shook your head. He gave you a nod with that so ever wonderful smile.  
  
Your heart was beating inside rapidly, your hands were clammy. The two of you had stopped walking already, standing at the corner of a street where he would be taking the path ahead while you would take the turn to the right since your house was just three houses away from that corner. The sun was setting to the west, a sign that the day was ending and you asked yourself,  _"Was it really the time to end this too?"_  
  
With one deep breathe, you faced him in straight and then looked at his eyes, "I-" you started but as seconds ticked, you felt your courage sipping away from you.  
  
"I-"  
  
He was looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to continue and finish what you were trying to say but your mouth wasn't even cooperating, or maybe it was your heart that wouldn't. There was so much at stake and you weren't ready,  _I never was._  
  
"See you soon hopefully?" You finally said instead and he chuckled, taking your question as a tease when it meant a lot more in ways you couldn't say out loud.  
  
"Yeah. Goodbye." He grinned. He gave you a squish in the shoulder and it somehow eased you. It always did.  
  
"Bye~"  
  
With one last look straight in his eyes, a smile gracing your lips, you turned to your destination as he stood by like he always did, always making sure you were in front of your house before heading to his way home. You glanced back and waved when you saw him waving at you before going on his way.  
  
You watched his retreating figure with a thought playing in your mind, looking forward till the two of you meet again.  
  
Because maybe then you finally have the courage to say it then, the courage you need to finally be honest not only to him but also to yourself...  
  
...and also be ready to let him go as you let those words be out in the open.  
  
 _For now, just let me stay by your side a little longer because I’m selfish like that._


End file.
